Unlimited confidence possessed me a month ago. I sent in an entry to ride Ernie at Prix St. George. Christensens' helped me order my shadbelly which won't arrive for another 4-6 weeks. A good friend told me I could borrow her coat in the meantime. Tuesday and Wednesday I had lessons with Rachel Saavedra. The lessons were fabulous, but alas, as is usual adressing issues of straightness caused my normally automatic right lead change to disappear. The left is doing great. Tempi's are a near total loss. Our pirouttes however were simply the most amazing we've ever had. Today they were like buttahh...
Like anyone facing utter failure at the attempt of realizing a life long dream, I found myself looking for reasons not to just step up to the plate and swing. It will be over 100 degrees on Sunday. The shadbelly I'm borrowing will be worn with the sleeves tucked up- I have T-rex arms. I'd like to lose another 10lbs....don't we all.... the list of non-riding related reasons could go on.
But, you live life once. When the work is coming together, the support is behind you, and the opportunity arises, you just have to take the chance. It might never return. Even if you fail, you can say you attempted. After all, what is failure? Failure to even try? Failure to look your weaknesses in the eye and face them? Failure to allow those who have stood behind you to enjoy the excitement along the way?
Two scores remain for me to have my USDF Silver medal... those at Prix St. George. I've never ridden FEI. It is one of my life time riding goals. Further, it is a lifetime goal to train a horse to the FEI level. I'm bound to realize two of my dreams in one day regardless of the score. Another goal could be brought nearly to completion.
At 11:11 on Sunday July 18th, I'll canter down the center line at MarVal Stables in Lodi. The tails of a friend's coat rippling down the sides of my 12yr Hanoverian who I've brought along since he was 4 from Training Level. I'll be smiling wide and my horse will have his usual pricked ears. We'll be sweating like pigs. My mind will be on overdrive keeping track of all the details as we ride the test. My horse will be questioning flower pots and judge's booths, but I know he'll bound expressively through his lateral work. When we are done, I'm going to look back on the last 8 years, at the struggles, the joys, the sacrifices, and the gifts. Then, I'll look ahead to what will come next and know how much more prepared I'll be for all my horse has taught me on this road.